Why We Hate 2face Idibia

Here’s how to live happily ever after, according to Annie Macaulay’s Book of fairy tale Reality; You get pregnant for your first lover who has got potentials to be the duke of Nigerian music. He breaks your heart, leaves you, and gets other ladies pregnant. A thousand lovers and 5 illegitimate kids later, he becomes a star, and you suck up back to him, remind him of how lovely he is, and then you marry.

Last week, we had a media circus over 2face. Or more rightly, 2face’s ding-dong. Turns out a story gets leaked to the media that our celebrated African prince had found a way to inseminate his pretty account officer, Teniola, and get her all jumpy with a baby in her womb. Kudos, 2baba!

2face impregnating another lady is headline news. It’s like a hat-trick and a sexy blow-job from Lupita Nyong'O, all rolled into one news package…with 2face smiling sweetly on the can. Imagine that. Yes, imagine that.

And contrary to what many feel, calling all of us (yes, Pulse.ng included) 2face haters, I can categorically state that Nigerians are wrong. We love 2face. We’re 2face groupies. If we’re left alone, we’ll make him divorce his wife, and come make babies with us all. We love the man. But when this story came out (God bless Icon Magazine), we just had to give it a good shot. Irrespective of our love for 2face, a story like that will increase our numbers. Our numbers will attract investors and advertisements, and adverts mean we’ll be richer! It’s hard to argue against making some more money….legally. That’s the truth. We didn’t create a lie; we simply amplified a ‘yet-to-be-confirmed’ story. So it’s nothing personal, 2face, it’s just business.

And as for Annie Macaulay Idibia, who is the real victim of all of this, I, Joey Akan, can’t help but feel sad for the lady. All she wants is a good home, with a good wealthy husband, and smart kids to love her silly. But when you get married to a proven playboy with 6 kids from 3 mothers, you’ll get the sick feeling that Annie might have looked in the wrong place for marital fulfillment. 2face might be innocent of this claim, but it’s hard to give him the benefit of doubt, seeing how ‘busy’ his past has been. Stories like this will be a recurrence in their fairytale marriage. And living happily ever-after will forever be a mirage for her.